by the way..have any one of you wondered why we get triggered so easily by some maniacs???

Seriously, anger is so hard to define. The very person who was so calm a minute ago can be all shaken up with so much passion called "hatred" within mere seconds by just one distasteful look!!!

take for instance, today......i was just having a good time with my family at home when suddenly, my ex knocked on my door. The very sight of him curled my blood and flushed my skin to the extent that my mom had to come to his rescue...i might have spitted at him that very instant.

I am normally a very calm person...but....some people..can really bring out the beast in me...I wonder how and why??? I never thought i could stoop to such levels of misdemeanours myself....but i guess life teaches us everything. Brought up in a very conventinoal convent school, swear words, misdemeanours were all thought lowly of. They were supposed to be the traits of poorly brought up kids. We were the blessed ones who got the privilege to go to convent school...which instilled ethics and morals in us....I must say, i am indebted to my school for the wholesome lady i have become today. But somewhere.....sometimes...I start wondering......where does all that teaching fly away, when a certain somebody stands in front of me??? How come even after all these years of fine tuning my soft nature, I am still unable to control my anger for some mean bastards??

What surprises me even more is the way i react to them......I become so unlike myself. I find myself swearing and cursing and more often than i desire, physically violent!!! How could I be like that?? Is it the real me? or a part of my suppressed subconscious that leaps out at the merest opportunity??? I still have no answer to these questions that fill my mind in retrospection.....

maybe there is logic behind my beastly behaviour...but I am no scientist to know the answers that may lie in my genetic patterns......but I keep asking myself....if this side of my nature can be made dormant with the right kind of mentoring!!!

I believe i am no exception.....when we have failed relationships, we tend to blame ourselves most of the time for whatever went wrong.....with the result that we are filled with so much negativity within us......and we tend to seek external help in the form of new relationship to correct the mistakes of our past......isn't it so????

But does that really help??? if it did, how come after some months or years down the lane, we feel that we are revisitng the same path again even in this new pasture????......

questions never seize to haunt me......but answers...always seem to elude my sense.......

till next time.....i will try to take care...and be calmer!!